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Saturday, November 18, 2006



WTF?... I swear I had the best of intentions.

I also swear I normally lead a very humdrum life, but this last week has been utterly insane.

Apart from Monday night (which was taken up with continuing man-loving), I've been out of house every night!!!! This is seriously cutting into my do nothing go no-where assertions. The weekend isn't holding out much hope for more word count either. Tomorrow I have two 'Dikes" who insist on a rum night, and Sunday I have my 'baby sister/movie producer (yes I know, shameless name dropping) arriving in town for a fly by night meet and greet. So, fuck it! Gonna enjoy people whilst I have them. word count shmord count. We're talking real life people here to interact with instead of the critters in my head. So, syonara (sp?) nanu-nanu--for now.


LOL, have fun. Miss you!!
You're right, X -- enjoy the people while they're around. The writing will still be there once they've left.

Enjoy the interaction, and have a glass for me, wouldya? :)
Hope you & yours are enjoying the holidays and the real people. *g*
To My Love,
I read what you wrote and I understand what you are saying – and thank you for speaking your mind. It is helpful for us both. I would like to tell you that I hurt myself as well you know when I was that person. And maybe someday I will provide you with things I felt as well but for now its important to focus on you and healing. Please understand that I admit and take responsibility for all these things but do you not see this is why I hurt so much, have punished myself and still have the addiction problem. With every mean word I see yourself – that haunts me. You mean the world to me, I am sorry about the Internet stuff [yes that was cheating but I have never done that in my life – I was very ill at the time. Yes I lied and that’s because I was still a child. Yes, I did all these things – and part of why was the leftover crap from my marriage, and living in that house. Did I tell you the one time, after 5 days up, I was moaning in Scouts bed, and you came in and said ‘Get it together g’, and as you walked away, I said ‘F-U Tracey’
It was then I knew what this was all about – why I hate that house. I am not proud of these things. As far as I am concerned we are not only compatible but perfect. But I have no right to ask for a future with you – even though that was what I hung on to to get better. recording that scrow song was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life - i will always remember and feel the words and what happened between us. this has changed me forever. do u remember when told me its over on the phone, how you said it, the tone and how much i cried - i cried because 4 days earlier i knew the next time we spoke u would do that - its part of the connection we have and why i recorded the song days in advance - and the first sentence of the song will always be inside me and connected with hearing the utter frustration and disgust in your voice for me.

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight (should be lie)
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be MAN ENOUGH to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

Thank you again for your words. I am glad you did this.

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